The Person on the Other End of the Phone Is a Person Too
Why kindness still matters in customer service.
I have spent almost four decades serving customers and more than twenty-five years leading customer service teams and during that time, I have seen technology transform how customers contact organisations. I've seen the rise of email, webchat, social media, messaging apps, self-service and now AI.
Yet, despite all of that change, one thing remains remarkably consistent; when something goes wrong, people still want to talk to another human being. They want someone to listen, someone to understand and someone to help.
Unfortunately, there is another trend that has become increasingly common over recent years. More and more contact centre advisors are experiencing rude, aggressive and abusive behaviour from customers.
Many organisations now report significant increases in advisors being sworn at, threatened, insulted or blamed for situations entirely outside their control. The irony is that this behaviour rarely achieves what the customer hopes it will. In fact, it often makes resolution harder.
Before we go any further, I'd like to offer a simple reminder; the person on the other end of the phone is a person too. They may have just finished a difficult call. They may have a sick relative at home. They may be struggling financially. They may have received bad news that morning, they may be sick or they may simply be trying their very best to help dozens of customers throughout a demanding day.
The reality is that we never truly know what another person is carrying. Kindness costs us nothing but it can make a remarkable difference.
The Best Calls Usually Follow a Simple Structure
Over the years, I've listened to thousands of customer interactions. The most successful conversations rarely involve raised voices, arguments or demands.
Instead, they tend to follow a surprisingly simple pattern.
1. Be Clear About the Problem
When we're frustrated, it's easy to tell the entire story from the very beginning. We explain every interaction, every disappointment and every emotion attached to the situation. Whilst that is understandable, it isn't always helpful.
The fastest route to resolution is often clarity:
What exactly is the issue?
What outcome are you hoping for?
What help do you need today?
The clearer you can be, the easier it becomes for the advisor to identify the right solution.
2. Listen to the Options Being Presented
Most advisors genuinely want to help.
However, they often have to work within company policies, regulatory requirements or technical limitations.
When an advisor explains the options available, take a moment to listen fully before responding.
Sometimes customers become so focused on the solution they want that they miss a solution that could actually resolve the issue.
Good listening often uncovers opportunities that frustration can hide.
3. Ask Questions
If something isn't clear, ask.
If you don't understand the process, ask.
If you're unsure about the implications of a decision, ask.
There is no disadvantage in seeking clarity.
The best customer conversations are often collaborative rather than confrontational.
Advisor and customer working together towards the same outcome.
4. Review the Available Options
Before ending the call, take a moment to summarise what has been discussed.
What are the available choices?
What are the benefits and limitations of each option?
Have you fully understood what happens next?
A quick review can prevent confusion and reduce the need for repeat contact later.
5. Agree Next Steps and Timescales
One of the biggest causes of customer frustration is uncertainty.
Who is doing what?
What happens next?
How long will it take?
What should you do if you haven't heard anything?
A good advisor will usually help guide this conversation, so together, you should leave the call with a shared understanding of the next steps and expected timelines.
Why Abuse Doesn't Help
Many customers assume that becoming angry will somehow accelerate a resolution. In reality, the opposite is often true. When conversations become hostile, communication deteriorates and important information gets missed, misunderstandings increase and stress impacts clarity.
The focus shifts from problem-solving to conflict management.
Most advisors are trained to lead conversations through a structured process that helps resolve issues efficiently. They cannot do that effectively if they are being interrupted, insulted or subjected to personal abuse.
In some countries, aggressive or abusive language towards service workers can even result in warnings, call termination or legal consequences, so be mindful of your words and tone of voice.
More importantly, using abusive language creates an experience that nobody deserves.
Every customer deserves respect.
Every advisor deserves respect too.
What If the Advisor Genuinely Cannot Help?
This is perhaps where frustration is most understandable. Sometimes the advisor has genuinely exhausted every option available to them but that doesn't necessarily mean your issue cannot be resolved. It simply means you may need a different route.
If you find yourself in this situation, consider the following:
Ask if There Are Alternative Options
There may be another process, department or specialist team available.
Request Clarification
Ask the advisor to explain exactly why they cannot fulfil your request.
Understanding the limitation may help you identify alternative solutions.
Ask About Escalation Routes
Most organisations have escalation processes available for complex cases.
Focus on Facts
The strongest cases are usually built on evidence, dates, reference numbers and documented interactions.
Stay Professional
It can be tempting to become emotional when you feel stuck. However, calm persistence is often far more effective than confrontation.
Follow Up in Writing
Where appropriate, email or written communication can provide additional clarity and create a documented trail.
A Small Act of Kindness Can Change Someone's Day
I often think about the thousands of customer service advisors who answer calls every day. They are helping people who are worried about bills, insurance claims, delayed deliveries, travel disruption, healthcare concerns and countless other challenges.
Many customers are already having a difficult day before they even pick up the phone, but advisors are human beings navigating life too. The next time you contact a customer service team, remember that the person answering your call didn't create the problem, they are simply the person trying to help solve it.
Approach the conversation with clarity.
Listen carefully.
Ask questions.
Work together on next steps.
And above all, choose kindness.
Because when customers and advisors treat each other with respect, better conversations happen.
Better conversations lead to better outcomes.
And the world could probably do with a little more kindness right now.